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Monday, June 04, 2007

A sad morning

Everyone,

So this morning I was doing the wash and came across some of my maternity shirts that I had just pulled out a few days before the news. It seemed sad that I wore them maybe once this time around, and now I have to put them back in the box. Even sadder seems to be the pants that I bought because I was going to be pregnant in the summer, that I never wore. One still even has the tags on them. I wonder if I can find the receipt and take them back. Another sad thought...

I get my blood test results back tomorrow. From now on, I'll be having weekly blood draws to make sure that my body is doing what it should. I have gotten to be on such good terms with the lab that they know me by sight. They also want to find a new vein in my arm to take the blood from, since the one that they always use is starting to develop scar tissue and is harder to poke. That just strikes me as sad too.

Butterfly has been pretty good during all of this. I think she is picking up on the sadness around here because she's been having more tantrums lately. But I've been trying to keep things normal for her and actually get her out playing with her friends. I think she got used to people around all the time in Utah and is feeling a little lonely now that it's just us.

And that's a little sad too.

Safire

3 comments:

  1. Well, you don't really know me, but I contacted you awhile back to ask what your connection with "Safire" was (it's my last name). Your blog entries pop up occasionally in my google alerts I have set for "safire". Anyhow, I am really sorry to hear about your recent mishap's. Not a fun time. My sister had a miscarriage her first pregnancy, but she pushed on and got pregnant 3 months later and gave birth to my favorite niece. Although my family is barely religious in any way, I remember many relatives telling my sister that a miscarriage can be looked upon as a way of not bringing an already unhealthy baby into the world. Maybe that sounds a little cynical, but I think it can make sense. So whether or not you guys are religious in some way, keep on trucking (honestly, I didn't mean to choose that word - my fingers just typed it by themselves), and know that you will soon be giving birth to another beautiful and healthy child.
    Good karma to all of you.
    Sincerely,
    Jeff Safire
    San Francisco Bay Area
    -----------------------

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  2. SewingMom9:15 PM

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation in late October. We saw a heartbeat and moving baby at our 12 week scan and then at our 13 week nuchal scan we had no heartbeat. I still have maternity clothes hanging in my closet, I still have her ultrasound pictures hanging on my fridge. For some reason I just can't take them down or put away the clothes. I made a special box to keep things in to remember my pregnancy such as my pregnancy test, ultrasound pictures, print outs a baby blog I had started, cards I received, and things like that. I needed something real to acknowledge my loss. This is a very difficult time and again I'm very sorry.

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  3. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a baby that far into a pregnancy. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and I know how completely that broke my heart. My best thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. --Helen Keller