One Week Old

Everyone,

I can't believe how fast these boys are growing and how fast time is moving. They are now a little over 1 week old. They are starting to grow longer. They are heavier. They eat like champs and don't spit up (Pirate maybe once or twice). We are seriously so much in love with these boys. Even Butterfly wants to hold and kiss and cuddle them all the time.

I love that if they are crying, all I have to do is talk to them and they instantly quiet down and turn their heads towards me. I love the intense little looks Pirate gives me while he's nursing. I love the way Professor's hands stroke his ears when he is almost asleep. They both dream quite a bit and it's almost always happy. Pirate gets these cute little half smiles and Professor chuckles. I know, I know, it's probably just gas. But boy is it cute gas and I look for it whenever I can.

My friend Laura came over and took pictures of the boys when they were a week old. They are such cute pictures!! I can't even pick my favorites because the ones she sent me are just so dog gone cute. I'm planning on using them for their birth announcements.

Speaking of announcements, I can't decide what to do. I made 2 of them, just for fun and now I love them both. Since I can't put them up here for a vote (too sleep deprived to try), I will describe them.

#1- This is a 3 picture announcement on a blue polka dotted background. (Juice does not like the back ground and it may change to solid blue.) The boys each have their own picture with their names and stats below them, and the 3rd picture is of Butterfly looking at both the boys.

#2- Only one picture on this announcement on a solid black background. The picture is of both the boys and it is also in black and white. Their names and stats are on the side in white. It's very classy looking.

I love both announcements for different reasons and every time I think I've made a decision about one, I want to get the other. They both cost the same so that's not an issue. I like that the first announcement has Butterfly in it and that their stats are under their respective picture. I love the black one because it's just so clean and simple and classy. (Plus I love the picture the best.) But I'm not sold on the back ground of the first one, and I don't like in the second one that you can't match which baby goes with which name.

Anyway, they are sleeping around 3 hours at a time at night so I'm feeling like I am getting some kind of sleep. It's amazing what having 2 babies in the same sleeping space will do to elongate the sleeping just a little. Juice has gone back to work, and I really miss him during the day. It's been nice to have him around for company and help. My parents are still in town and leave on Thursday. Juice's parents arrive on Thursday as well so I will not be without help at all. And when they leave, our 14 year old niece will be here for a month or so. I think we've got the help thing covered for right now.

I'm sitting next to their bassinet and I keep glancing over to see their cute little heads all snuggled up together and marvel at how 2 totally separate and unique beings came out of me on the same day. It's totally amazing.

Safire

PS- Laura, Jen, Krista, Ida, Lis, Kirsten, and Anie- if you're still up for chocolate, email me for the details! (safirecat [at] gmail [dot] com)

Day 2 At Home

Everyone,

It's been a good day. The boys are eating like champs. Their jaundice is starting to go away. Pirate has at least 8 messy diapers a day, and it leaked all over me, Juice, and my parent's bed today. Fun stuff! Professor is a very laid back baby. My mom calls him our bonus baby. It's nice to have one that I don't worry about too much. He smacks his lips every time he is done nursing. It's so nice to be appreciated just a little.

Juice asked me what the plan was for today and I said, "Feed a baby, change a baby, repeat to a different baby. Or the same baby. Probably both."

Butterfly is having a little more difficult time. She is happy about the brothers, and really enjoys showing them off. But she throws more tantrums when things are about to change and tries to play Juice and I off each other when one of us says no. She has been asking for me to do things more often which I'm sure is a novelty for her. I have not been able to walk around for so long that for her to see me walking around is fun. It's an adjustment and we'll get through it.

I did start working on the delivery story. I don't want to give up any details so it will make a good story but most of you know a few things so I'll put those up. They were both vaginal deliveries, about 6 minutes apart. I did end up with pre-eclampsia for my blood pressure but it came down nicely about 48 hours after delivery. The gestational diabetes is gone (yay horray!) so I'm back to eating regular food.

Speaking of food, I'm ready for my Something Chocolate! (All local gals, want to go out sometime soon and get desert with me?) I haven't had sugar in so long and I feel like it coats my mouth funny and isn't always good. Amazing what not eating something will do.

I'm off to bed since the boys are still asleep. But here's a cute picture to leave you with. Pirate on the left, Professor on the right. They do not look a THING a like. I think Pirate looks more like Juice, and Professor looks more like my family. But they are great boys and we are having so much fun with them.

Safire

We're Home!

Everyone,

Just to let everyone know that we are now home from the hospital. We are all doing very well, although Professor wants to be held all night long or eat all night long. Makes for very long nights.

They don't look a thing alike. Pirate looks more like Juice with a very angular face and pointy chin. Professor reminds me more of Butterfly and my family being rounder and blond. Pirate is very aware of things, and Professor hates being alone. Last night, I put him in the bassinet with Pirate and Professor scooted over, rubbed his forehead on his brother's, and fell right asleep. It was such a cute brother/twin moment. This is going to be so much fun!

We went to the first pediatrician visit for both of them this afternoon. Wow it's hard getting around with 2 babies. And Juice was with me! And we left Butterfly home with the grandparents! Both babies are doing well, and it looks like their weight loss after birth is evening off. I am breastfeeding both so far. They have slight jaundice but nothing to worry about.

Just a picture to leave you off with. Both boys are sleeping right now and I am going to go sleep myself. We love having the boys with us. It's amazing how easily they fit into our family and into our lives.

Safire

36 Weeks,6 Days, Almost There!

Everyone,

I almost made it to 37 weeks. Doctor's appointment this morning. Blood pressure very high and now I am 6, almost 7 cm. Sending me to hospital. Birthday today.

Hugs and kisses,

Safire

P.S.

Stats:

Baby A (on the left) = the Pirate: born 4:03 pm, 5 lb 13 oz, 19.5"

Baby B (on the right) = the Professor: born 4:09 pm, 6 lb 3 oz, 19.5"

36 Weeks, 5 Days, Doctor Visit

Everyone,

Sorry this is a later post today but I just wanted to wait and post something after my doctor's visit. Today was my last Dr. SA visit. I am sad to not go to his office anymore. He is so good. If anyone needs a referral to a really good perinatologist in Maryland, they should email me.

Anyway, as I was checking in, he was going to see another patient and stopped and asked me what I was doing here. I wonder the same thing! He didn't expect to see me again. Neither did I honestly. But we were.

So, on to the babies. Baby A is doing really well. He is very very low still. He has his little heart issue, which will now continue on through birth. Dr. SA said that if they ask us who we want to see him for his cardiologist to be checked out, to go with the cardiologist that we did the fetal echo cardiogram with months ago. Check. But he is doing well otherwise. He is moving and breathing. His fluid looks good and the cord and the placenta are all doing well.

Baby B is fine, except his is just not practicing his breathing. We must have spent half an hour trying to get him to breath, and then towards the end just move. Now, he has no problem moving right before I go to bed, or early in the morning. He just was sleeping and refused to get up. Stubborn boy. Gets that from both parents, I suppose. Dr. SA was able to get him to move and breath, though so he's just fine.

So, now, let's talk delivery. He said that he will call my OB's office and have them schedule me for an induction on Wednesday. He doesn't think that we need to go any longer than that. Things can go wrong at the end of a pregnancy, and we may as well not mess with it. Especially since I am 5 cm. We don't want an accident or an emergency. He also said that if anything changes, the babies don't move as much, I have strange discharge, or anything, to just go. He looked at Juice (who was able to come with me today) and said "Gag her if you have to. Tell the hospital that you need to come in!" Haha...he is so funny.

He is also going on vacation this week so he won't be around. Sad. But they are going biking at slick rock in Utah. So he and my parents are just going to trade places for a week. I will wait and go show them the boys when he is around.

Other things he told me was that I have a bad track record with contractions. I just do not feel them. He said if we hooked me up to a monitor, I would probably be contracting all the time. He said not to expect actually going into labor ever, and once I get to 5 cm I should just be induced. Okay then. Thanks Mom for the good genes I guess. :) He also said that all I need is a prick and we will have Baby A within minutes. Yep. Sounds just like Butterfly's birth. Now I'm interested to see what happens with Baby B.

We have decided not to wait until Wednesday. We will do this on Sunday. My parents will be here by dinner time on Saturday. Sunday morning, we will call, go in, and have these boys hopefully that morning or afternoon.

Unless of course something happens between then and now. Or Juice gags me and throws me over his shoulder, er, carries me...er, escorts me to the car and we go have the babies then. I have another OB appointment tomorrow.

Safire

36 Weeks, 4 Days

Everyone,

I just don't know what to say. Nothing is happening. It's good.

The End.

Safire

36 Weeks, 3 Days

Everyone,

I am back from my doctor's appointment. It would have been earlier but the doctor I was supposed to see got stuck in the OR or something, so I saw another doctor. I have no doctor loyalty when it comes to my appointments. Whoever can see me is fine.

So. An update. I have not gained any weight. Normal for GD. My blood pressure is high, but not as high as it was on Friday. I am also not spilling protein but sugar but again that is normal for GD. I am still 5 cm. Well, at least I haven't dilated more! Both boys are looking good, and Baby A is moving around so much they can't seem to keep track of his heart beat. I am measuring 40 weeks today, which is up from Friday's measurement of 38 weeks. They are still both head down, and things are going just swimmingly.

We talked about delivery. Both Dr. SA and this practice are willing to shoot for a vaginal delivery at this point. He is having the nurse that schedules all the inductions to change my c-section to an induction and go from there. He said that he doesn't think I will make it that far. But, he would like to see me at least get to 37 weeks as most of the lung maturity issues seem to disappear at that point. So only about 5 more days. He said that the longer I go the better. He would like to see me do 38 weeks. I made a face at that one and he laughed and said if I go in next week, they will not stop me and just go for it. So unless I spontaneously go into labor myself, I kind of have my "pick" of days next week, or I can wait until the 29th.

Half of me is interested to see how long I can last at 5 cm, but the other half is screaming to get this done with! I want to do the best thing for the boys. But I don't want to have an emergency on my hands either. I will ask Dr. SA on Thursday and see what he says.

I asked him about my blood pressure, and he says that they would like to monitor it a little more closely. So I have another appointment on Friday just to be checked and see how that is going. He said that taking it easy will help a lot. But of course, if I take it easy, I may be pregnant forever. He reminded me the signs of preeclampsia, and said if anything changes or I have any questions, call.

So, doctor's vote: Keep babies in until 38 weeks.
My vote: 37 weeks/undecided
Your vote??

Safire

36 Weeks, 2 Days

Everyone,

Still here. Still pregnant. Part of me is interested in how long I will sit at 5 cm. Part of me panics every time I think about it. It's about 11am, and no call from my doctors. With Butterfly's birth, I had the induction scheduled by now. Maybe it's because I am only 36 weeks. It's probably because it's a different office. Boy are they going to be surprised when I walk into their office tomorrow!

My new goal to get to is Wednesday. And if I pass that, then Saturday. I had no more contractions yesterday, and none today. So far. I will update if there is anything else happening today. (Although I'm hoping for a very boring day.)

Safire

36 weeks, 1 day

Everyone,

Now that we've decided to kind of wait and see what happens, the day is going by SO SLOWLY. Yesterday was full of contractions ranging between 5-10 minutes apart. But they didn't hurt, I could still talk through them, and if I got up to do something they actually went away. And having the day split up into tiny increments like that makes it very slow.

Last night I had a few very painful contractions. We had our old neighbor sleeping over in case we needed someone but the contractions stopped and I slept really well. This morning, I've had no contractions and the babies are very active. So much for going into labor spontaneously!

I have another doctor's appointment on Tuesday and we will see what they say then. Of course, they may just call me on Monday and get everything set up for Tuesday to be induced. I may just decide I've had enough of this and go in one day. Wednesday might be a good day. Or even next Saturday when my parents are here. I may go into labor and things may move forward.

One good thing about all of this is I finally packed my hospital bag and did almost everything on my to do list. So now we are really just waiting for them. And every day will help them get bigger.

Safire

Still Pregnant, Still Waiting

Everyone,

I called my doctor's office this morning, and we decided to go ahead and wait a few days. Technically at 36 weeks they are still preemies. And we want to give them the best possible start in life. Yes, I know they will be born sometime this week. But we're hoping a few more days will get them a few more ounces.

Although I've been having contractions all day. And some actually hurt. But nothing I can't sleep through or talk through.

We are kind of sad at the loss of the cool birthday, though. More tomorrow!

Safire

Doctor Visits, 35 (Basically 36) Weeks

Everyone,

Thursday was a Dr. SA visit. Both boys are doing well, of course. We did a growth scan on them this time around and Baby A was around 5 lbs, 3 oz. At least he grew. Now, it's probably not very accurate because we could not see the top of his head. He is SO FAR DOWN I can't even cross my legs any more. He is seriously going to just fall out. He is doing well on his breathing, and seems to be squirming around a lot. How he can move is beyond me because I feel just enormously huge. He gets the hiccoughs at least 4 times a day (like right now) and doesn't really kick. Although we saw him kick really big but I didn't feel it since apparently my placenta is up where his feet are. No wonder I don't feel him as much as I do B.

Baby B is doing very well, weighing in around 6lbs, 3 oz. So there is a pound difference in their weight. And he is crowding in on Baby A's space the whole time. He is doing his breathing thing all the time now and looks great.

When Dr. SA came in, he said that he had just talked to Dr. Big Hands about my hospital stint the day before. He said that it really does look like they are in a great position for delivery. He said that he is also on call this weekend so he wants to see me and the boys this weekend at the hospital again. Like for delivery. Sure, like I can pick the day! He said you never know, and sometimes you CAN pick the day. He thinks this will be an easy delivery, and the boys are ready. He says my body is ready. In his words, "Let's do this thing."

Boy did I leave his office feeling pretty good. And ready. Although I still want to get to my goal of 36 weeks, things seem to be headed in the right direction.

This morning, I saw the midwife at our practice. My blood pressure is still up there, but no protein in my urine. I have gained one pound again. She looked at the babies on the ultrasound really quick and kept saying that these were big twins! I am only measuring 38 weeks, probably because Baby A is half way out already. So I got tested for Group B strep as everyone does, and she checked my cervix.

I love the looks on these doctor's faces when they check me. It's like I break all rules or something. She asked me how dilated I was on Wednesday...I was a 3. Now, I am a 5. This is strangely like the end of Butterfly's gestation. I went into the doctor on Friday and was 5 cm dilated too. I lasted the weekend with her, but I really don't think I'm going to last the weekend with these guys.

In fact, I am picking not to. Both Dr. SA and Dr. Big Hands will be around. Both expect to see me this weekend. The midwife today said not to wait if anything feels off, just call and go in. So tomorrow morning, I am going to call and go in. And get things going. My blood pressure is high, I'm 5 cm with twins...they will probably keep me. At least, I hope. We decided that tomorrow is a good day because Juice is off and we've arranged all of our child care for tomorrow. (if they don't keep me, she will have a great time playing at a friend's house all day. A win/win situation for her.) Tomorrow I am 36 weeks exactly. Everything is in the cards.

Another fun fact about tomorrow. Butterfly's birthday is 05-10-05 and if you add the month and the year together, you get the date. It's how Juice remembers it. Tomorrow, 04-12-08, is the same thing. Add the month and the year together and you get the date. Talk about making it easy for him! :)

I go from being elated and excited to terrified and nervous. Not at all good for my blood pressure I'm sure. Things I am excited to get over with: the huge belly, the need to pee all the time, the gestational diabetes, no chocolate ban, bed rest. I am super excited to see the twins and start to get to know them. Things I am terrified about: pushing out 2 babies and not just one, breastfeeding both, having them be old enough to come out and thrive and come home with me, having them be able to suck and swallow well enough to try and breastfeed, going through the post partum jag that everyone goes through, having 3 kids instead of 1.

Things I will miss: the big belly and feeling them move. The looks on people's faces when I tell them I am having twins. The need to gain weight. But having them out will be so much better than having them in. I'm ready.

I hope to have these guys in the morning/afternoon and hopefully will feel good enough to have some pictures up tomorrow (via Juice probably). If not, he will at least post stats of them this weekend and when I get home, I will try and get pictures up.

Wish me luck!!!

Safire

Why I Have A Bandaid On My Wrist

Everyone,

I had this really sweet post almost all typed up about Juice and was going to post it this morning but I thought maybe you'd like to hear about why I have a bandaid on my wrist first.

You see, yesterday, I was feeling pretty miserable. The cold was kicking my butt. Since Butterfly seems to be on the mend, she was also feeling a little more feisty. I think she is tired of me sitting around all day long telling her I can't do things because my tummy hurts. Poor thing. I was trying to keep her entertained (thank you Mom for the pony movie!!!) and I just could not get comfortable. My back hurt. My belly hurt. My head hurt. Why is this couch so hard and why does it sag so much when I sit in it?! Oh, right, I've got about 30 lbs on me that I normally don't have.

Butterfly finally got sick of me bouncing around and got down on the floor to watch her show. I stretched out, I curled up, I tried propping pillows around me, and I failed. Finally I got up and walked around the house for a little bit, doing tiny chores like cleaning the kitchen table and switching out some laundry. I could not get comfortable. Walking around made it feel like someone had put a vice on my lower back and was now making it magically grow across my lower belly.

Wait. Did I not have these conversations with my nurse every week about preterm labor and the signs? Did I not pay attention to all those books I read, and all those articles that come into my inbox weekly? Apparently not.

I put Butterfly down for a nap (but I don't want to NAP! I want to stay with yoooouuu!!) and I took a shower. Most of the time that kills whatever aches and pains I have. This time, just made it worse. I couldn't seem to get away from the pain.

Then I got out and heard Butterfly crying that her diaper was poopy so I changed her (with lots of screaming on her part, poor tired diaper rashed girl) and I put in Dumbo for her to watch. I took some tylenol and tried to lay down on my bed and get comfortable. No such luck. Finally, after much tears and re-reading the little booklet my OB gave me, I called them.

"I can't get comfortable and I have a horrible back ache and cramps and nothing I do seems to help. You want me to come to the hospital? Now? Uh, I think I can be there within the hour. Who is the doctor on call today? Not Dr. Useless. Oh good."

So yep, I ended up in labor and delivery again yesterday. I walked in, got all situated in bed #3 (last time it was bed #2...bed #3 is better with an actual wall and a picture to look at) and they hook me up to all the belly monitors. Well, they try anyway. Baby A was not being very cooperative and the nurse couldn't find his heartbeat. Kind of freaked me out. I think this is my biggest fear right now, that one of them has died and I don't know about it. So she found Baby B right off and got him on the monitor. And then she put the contraction monitor on me. And then she looked and looked for Baby A. She called in another nurse, who found him right away. Whew.

She then put the blood pressure cuff on me. Alarms started to go off. She looks at me and says, "Is your blood pressure normally very high?" Uh, no. She takes it again, and more alarms go off. I see her frown, and she turns and leaves. About a minute later, she comes back with the news that I have protein in my urine. And high blood pressure. Oh. I have no swelling, no headaches, no reflex problems, nothing else but those two things. She said that she though I was going to be in and out, but now she's thinking I may have the babies today. WHAT? Talk about high blood pressure!

Dr. Big Hands comes in and talks to me for a second. He orders blood work to check my liver function and 3 other viles of the stuff, some food and an IV for me. He says I look pretty good, but I am having contractions. Oh. News to me. So he also decides to check me and see how dilated I am. Most uncomfortable. (There is a reason his name is Dr. Big Hands!) I am 3 cm dilated, about 80% effaced and Baby A is head down at -2 station. So there is a reason I'm having monster back aches!

The nurse puts in my IV (which hurt a lot worse than the back ache at that point) and she gets me some food. I listen to the other couple in the room with me bicker (semi good natured) and enjoy my dry bbq chicken and wilted salad. The other couple is sent home, another lady comes in. I pull out my phone card and call my mom. We talk to pass the time. I call Juice and talk to Butterfly for a few minutes about the color of her pajamas and how they are so comfortable and how she built a house out of blocks with Daddy. I read my book. I stare at the chart of dilation and effacement on the wall. I get my blood pressure checked every 15 minutes and the nurse teaches me how to turn off the alarm because it goes off every single time. I start to get really uncomfortable in the little triage bed again.

I decide it's time to take a bathroom break, and they unhook me and hand me my IV bag and I shuffle off. Back in bed, I try to untangle myself from my mess of cords, and just make it worse. I decide to wait for the nurse to hook me back up. She does after a minute, and we have to find the babies again. Baby B is fairly easy to find and feel. Baby A is just not cooperating. I had to have another nurse come in and hold the monitors on my belly to catch him. She sat there for a good half hour with me. We chatted about middle school (she has a daughter there) and how they had 31 week twins that morning that were doing well. They take my blood pressure again and it has gone way down. No more protein in my urine. Huh.

Dr. Big Hands comes back in, sits down on the chair and chats with me for about 20 minutes. He says I look good and since my contractions have gone from every 2-7 minutes (I was not feeling them) to every 10-15 minutes, he's going to send me home. Yay! I was so done with the hospital by then. I'm supposed to stay hydrated this time. And if I come back in, they will not stop me. He even mentioned in passing that he would start me in labor if I wanted, but I really do feel like these guys need at least another week. If this had been Wednesday of next week, I would have said yes! But it's not, and the babies can cook as long as possible.

So I am home with only a bandaid on my wrist where the IV went. I have a Dr. SA visit this afternoon, and a regular check at the OB on Friday. I am feeling very very ready to get these boys out of my body. I will have made my last goal of 36 weeks on Saturday. Dr. Big Hands is on call all weekend (he was so enthusiastic about having a vaginal birth I kind of want him to be the delivery doctor) so maybe there will be more news later! I will write more tomorrow after my doctor visits.

Safire

PS- Juice was telling Butterfly that the 'brudders' might be coming out of me and she got so excited! He was also telling her that someone would come and stay with her if that happened and her bright face kind of dimmed and she said, "But Nana and Grandpa were supposed to stay with me." So see, the boys can't come until next Saturday at least. :)

Not Again

Everyone,

We are sick again. I am not pleased. Butterfly came down with a runny nose a few days ago. She is cranky, not sleeping well, and not her pleasant happy self. I don't mind working with her when she is sick. It's just part of being the mom.

What makes me annoyed is that now I am sick as well. And with the pending birth of the "brudders", I am feeling cranky myself. I don't sleep well anyway because I'm up several times for bathroom trips or just to roll over. But now, I can't even go to sleep because I am so congested. Juice has slipped through so far. That is a big blessing for us because I can't imagine all of us being sick and me being on bed rest and having him be ill as well.

I can pinpoint when we got the cold, and who from. And I'm slightly annoyed at the mom who brought her kid over with an obvious cold (and fever!) and gave us this crud. I'm hoping it's quick and runs through in about 7 days. I just can't imagine feeling like this and having to push 2 babies out.

I am feeling all fuzzy and I better stop now. Let's hope this gets better fast.

Safire

Bedtime Bargaining

Everyone,

This is what I heard over the baby monitor on Thursday night.

J: You can have 2 toys.

B: I have 2 toys! This bear and this bear! This bear has blue eyes and this one has brown eyes.

J: Okay, you are set then. Good night.

B: No wait! I want a drink!

J: No, you had a drink before we got into bed. Good night.

B: No! You said I could have 2 toys OR a drink. I don't want this bear! Take him away! Take him away!

J: (now faced with a sobbing 2 year old and a bear thrust into his hands) Uh...are you sure?

B: (sobbing) Yes please I want a drink!

J: Okay. (He walks out while she is still sobbing and gets her a drink. He silently gives her a drink, she slurps nosily and then lays down.)

B: Good night Daddy. I love you. Have a good sleep.

J: (A little dumb founded) Good night. Have a good sleep.

She did not make one more peep the rest of the night. Talk about knowing what she wants!

Safire

Thursday Doctor Visit, 34 weeks

Everyone,

This week was a 2 doctor visit week, as will every week after this be. I went to my OB on Wednesday, and the Dr. SA on Thursday. Let's see, OB stats. I only gained one pound, which is good. And my blood pressure is still the same as last week, 130/80. This doctor didn't measure my belly. We did have a small peek at the babies. Both are still head down (imagine that) and moving very well.

The nurses scheduled me for a c-section on the 29th which annoyed me at the time. So I brought it up with this doctor and he said to look at it more as an end date rather than a c-section date. I asked if we could change the c-section to an induction and he said that was fine if they are still head down and doing well. I asked him to write it in my chart so the other doctors would know. I also asked about the on call doctor, Dr. Useless, because every time I call her, she does NOTHING. I was having a lot of contractions a few days ago and she said that she was not going to stop labor. Um, I thought we wanted to get to 36 weeks! And she said at 32, she wouldn't stop it. Useless. Luckily the contractions went away but I was told to call if I have these contractions, and so I did. Arg, it's so annoying to deal with lots of doctors and their different methods. This doctor said that it's the practice's policy to not stop labor after 35 weeks with twins so if anything happens after Saturday, the boys will come! I'm hoping to make it at least until the 19th when my parents will get here.

At Dr. SA's we just glanced at the babies and made sure they were still doing well. And they are. The tech didn't read my chart and didn't know about Baby A's PACs so she kept scanning his heart over and over. Then she started asking me if I'd had any coffee or caffeine and I had to tell her that he has this all the time. She was a new tech I hadn't seen before and was not that talkative. Both babies are doing well, and Baby B is actually doing a lot of breathing and moving around this time. Dr. SA came in, glanced at it all, said I was doing well and nothing has changed. Well, one little thing has changed. He said my placenta is looking a little old because it has these little wispy things starting to hang down off of it. But at 34 weeks, that's to be expected. They didn't even look at my cervix because they don't really care what it does right now. If everything is still doing well at next week's visit, he is going to take me off bed rest. Yay horray! I will still probably take it a little easy to make it to 36 weeks, and to wait until my parents get here. Then it will be walk walk walk. Dr. SA says I will probably go into labor before the 29th because my cervix is so short and I have fairly big babies. (Growth scan next week.)

My biggest fear is that my water will break at home and Baby A is so low that I won't make it to the hospital. Butterfly was born in 5 contractions after my water broke so it's a legitimate concern. But we shall see.

Safire

Good Things About Bed Rest...Maybe?

Everyone,

I am not one to wallow in self pity for very long. It could also be because I was able to get out today to go to my doctor's appointment and the sun was shinning, the breeze was cool and all the flowers have suddenly appeared. Butterfly and I soaked up the sun a little in the doctor's court yard area after a really good and easy appointment. More on that tomorrow.

So, feeling better. As I was sitting on the benches watching Butterfly chase the squirrels, I started making a list of good things about being on bed rest. So here you go.

• The boys will get the best possible start in the world, even if it is horribly boring.
• I don't have to make dinner every night (although I still do all the planning).
• I never have to pick up a toy.
  
• I can take as many naps as I want.
  
• I never have to wash a dish.
• I never have to clean a bathroom. (Although this one is bothering me just a little...)
• I can spend all day online and not feel guilty.
• I've done a lot of coloring with Butterfly.
• Butterfly has turned into more of a snuggler than she was before.
• I am learning to trust my husband that much more.
• It's kind of nice to have a built in excuse to not go or do anything.
• It's nice to have a built in excuse for Juice not to go or do anything.
• I have learned the house will not explode if things are not clean/picked up. Imagine that.
• I see Juice a lot more.
  
• I never have to change sheets on the bed.
  
• Two words: internet shopping.

It is nice to just have a chance to sit. Although I am missing out on a lot of fun things, it's nice to just sit and enjoy our house. I wish I had more patience for reading. I wish I could watch all kinds of movies but I am limited to what Butterfly is watching (mostly). I wish I could help Juice out more but he is doing pretty good on his own. (He is looking forward to the day when I can do things like laundry and cleaning again. I think he is realizing how much work I put in during the day with all the house stuff. I am too actually.)

I think I will really appreciate doing things once the boys are here.

Safire

Feeling Useless

Everyone,

When I was 8 or 9 years old, I remember helping my parents pack the car for a vacation. I think we were going to Mt. Rushmore. I had finished putting all of my stuff in the big silver van we called Flipper, and I was just kind of hanging around. My Dad asked me to take the video camera out to the car in it's case. It was heavy! But I was determined to be useful so I lugged it out there. As I was hauling it out, I heard my Dad say, "I don't know what we'd do without her. She's so capable."

Boy that gave me a warm fuzzy! And I was determined to be capable from that day on. And for some odd reason in my mind, capable also meant being strong. Later, I added healthy to that definition. I always wanted to pull my own weight, so to speak.

When I was at college in Idaho, I took a class about horse training and we each had our own colt to take care of and train. We were in charge of everything about the horse...the feed, water, care, etc. I used to get up at 5am (or earlier) just to go to the barn in the mornings and clean my horse's stall before I had to go to class. Since I was almost always the first one there in the mornings, I not only fed and watered my own horse, I cleaned her stall and then chipped the ice off the other horse's water buckets and watered them too. All 15 of them or so. I just hated seeing all those horses banging on their stalls wanting to be fed. My teachers called me the most capable out of the bunch.

I've been on bed rest for a few days now, and it's driving me a little crazy. I no longer feel capable. I can't pull my own weight and I just have to depend on others to do everything. Okay, mostly I depend on Juice to do things and he's doing an awesome job. I just wish I could help out with things like the laundry. Or the bathroom cleaning. Or really anything. Anything besides sitting here on the couch or in my bed just sitting. Juice keeps telling me I am not doing nothing, I am growing people and that's hard work. But I guess it's just that I can't actively do anything that is driving me a little batty. I'm so used to be able to lift things, run around, do my own thing, and see results that this is frustrating to me. I mean, I don't see 15 full buckets of water or a house full of clean and folded laundry. All I see is me sitting around getting huge.

Only a few more weeks. This morning my little ticker said I had 39 days left till my due date. My doctor has scheduled me for my c-section on April 29th, which is 28 days away. Welcome to April, the month these boys are going to be born!

And then I can go back to being capable. Hopefully.

Safire