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Monday, March 03, 2008

Preparing for Twins: Emotionally


I know I have been promising this post for awhile. It takes me awhile to think about this, and mostly when I think about it I become overwhelmed. So I just don't think about it. So this doesn't get written. But I do want to write it out and just bare with me and all the 'holy cow' phrases.

When we first found out we were pregnant, the nurse warned us that it could be multiples. Frankly, we didn't care. We were so thrilled to be pregnant again that the fact that there could be more than one didn't phase us at all. I actually expected Butterfly to be a twin, or the pregnancy after. It just seemed like it was in the cards for us.

At our first ultrasound, both babies showed up right away. I was just happy it wasn't more than 2. The doctor turned to us after the ultrasound showed the 2 little sacs and 2 little heartbeats and said, "You know I have twin boys right? All I can say is GET HELP." Juice and I laughed, Butterfly laughed too because she's a social laughter, and the doctor stopped us. "No, I'm serious. Get help."

I think we were riding the wave of how-cool-are-twins?! The wave, I think, came crashing down when we started letting everyone else know we were having twins. And everyone kept asking if we were prepared. There is a couple at our church that has 12 year old twin boys and she asked me if I had help lined up. Huh, maybe there was something to this whole needing help issue. So I started thinking about it. Enter overwhelming melt down #1.

Who was going to help? Who could help? How could we afford to have this help? Are you sure we need help? And why can't people just drop everything and come and help us!!??

It was short lived. My mom has been a great help with it and working through every one's schedule with me and figuring out what help can come when. In the perfect world.

It wasn't until I got farther along and I realized that my chances of bringing home 2 boys is good that I started feeling, "Oh no...2 babies?!" So I'm going to have 2 babies, 2 little boys to feed, change, take care of. Plus there's Butterfly to think of as well. And then what happens when they get older? 2 toddlers. 2 little boys. 3 sets of homework. 2 teenage boys driving. 2 missionaries.

Yes, I know that people have twins and survive all the time. But the whole package freaks me out. I guess because I just don't know what to expect. It's like having a first baby all over again. Except I do kind of know what to expect because I've had one. And I can't imagine having 2 to deal with. Yes, we'll get 2 times the smiles, 2 times the love, all that great stuff. And if they are anything like Butterfly in her sweet personality, it will be great. But hard.

I was at church yesterday watching all the little kids, wiggle, crawl, squirm around. Having 3 so close together is going to be a challenge. Our days are going to be full of diapers and jam hands. But all young families are filled with the same kind of things. Just thinking of them growing up together makes me smile. (Even if I do feel like my sanity is going to fly out the window at any moment.)

I guess because I'm only about 7 weeks away from having these guys and we're starting to line up our help, that I'm starting to think about about my recovery process with Butterfly and her birth. Since these guys are breech, I am looking at a c-section for me. And what that recovery entails.

My ward was wonderful and threw me an awesome shower this weekend. (More later.) People have been sending us stuff and good wishes. I am feeling more prepared. I think if the babies came early, we could handle it. Except for the help thing. Hopefully things will all work out with help coming and I won't be feeling so overwhelmed.

I know this entry is really disjointed but I can't quite put my feelings into words of how happy and overwhelmed and nervous and excited and scared and happy and anxious I feel.



  1. Okay first stop thinking about Butterfly's birth and recovery. I know I've ONLY had c-sections but I hear they are very different. If you stop thinking about the other you won't be set up for one thing and have another happen. If you want all the scary details call or email and I would be happy to share. Good luck on everything and I'm sure you'll survive it!!!

  2. You've left me speechless! I can usually relate to most kid situations after having 5, but I've never experienced twins. Like most situations that we mothers find ourselves in, I'm sure you will adjust beautifully. Yes, it will be hard, but somehow you will do it. At least I can offer you a little help...:)

  3. I never had twins, but I know that I was worried about how hard it would be having a baby and a toddler, and actually the second time around is easier because you are more laid back, kind of know what is going on, etc. OK you'll have two, it will be a lot of work, but I'm sure it woon't be as stressful as you think. My grandmother had twins (2nd pg too) and she always said it was easier that having her first. I wish she was still around so she could tell you about it -- and back in those days she didn't even know she was having twins until she was giving birth! Anyways, hang in there -- ever thing will be fine!

  4. My twin boys are challenging every day. They are hard, no doubt, but you do what you need to do, and it just comes naturally somehow. For me it is still easier than for my husband.

    We do have family that lives close by, but honestly the best help was all of the meals that people cooked for us.

    Since the liklihood of them coming early is high and that you might have NICU or other issues, it's nice to at least know that you've got a hot meal that you don't have to prepare.

    And as they grow - 2 toddlers is absolutely amazing.


I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. --Helen Keller