There has been a lot of talk in the twin world (and in the real world) about this book called, One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular by Abigail Pogrebin. I've read several articles on the book the past few days and heard her interviewed on the radio a few times. I really enjoyed this interview of her and her insights on being a twin. The first question really got me. Basically, we all know that twins want to be seen as individuals and their own separate person. The interviewer (who is a twin mom herself) asked HOW to do that.
I was fascinated by the response. Ms. Pogrebin gave a list of ideas to do that. 1- Have alone time with each twin. 2- Have separate gifts, birthdays, cakes, etc. 3- Don't buy into the twin gimmick all the time. 4- Listen to each twin, really listen. 5- Don't try to keep it the same all the time. Life is not fair and full of inequalities.
She goes on, in the interview, to talk about how she felt as if her parents had no idea who she was, or her sister. They were always together as kids. And because of that, they had a really hard time as they got older separating. But they also had a hard time being alone with their parents. I guess that makes sense. If you never are without the other, of course you learn to rely on that person.
I admit, I really do like the "twin gimmick" as she calls it. I love that my boys are twins. I love that they have each other and that we have them. I think cute matchy clothes are awesome. Even dressing them alike is fun. I don't know why...it's just a thing. However, I do realize that as they get older, this will not always be the case. I will not BE ABLE TO dress them the same. They will have their own opinions and their own wardrobes since their body types are nothing alike. However, while they are little and are letting me, I am going to enjoy it.
Everything else in her list? Let's look at them. I do insist on them having a separate birthday cake and singing to each boy. I guess we'll look at separate parties as they get older. Even if that is going to be harder. Having twins is harder than having a singleton. I know, I've done both. And just because they happen to share the same birthday and the same parents, doesn't mean they are the same person. They deserve their own present/seat/punishment/shirt, etc. There are clothes that only Pirate wears and ones that only Professor wears. They have their own shoes. They have their own coats. Their own car seats. And they definitely have their own personalities. They are unique.
The time alone with each twin is a tough one for me. It's hard for Butterfly to get alone time with one of us. I figure this will become easier as they get older. (Most things will become easier...right?!) This afternoon, however, Juice and I were able to spend almost 2 whole hours with Professor while his siblings were sleeping. I don't know why he didn't sleep as long, but it was fun to sit with him on the couch and eat crackers. He is one industrious little boy. He motors around to every thing and always brings me things to see and exclaim over. He is happy. He is sunny. With everyone else, however, he is often cross and sensitive. After dinner tonight, I was noticing that Professor will go find himself something to do and be quite happy with it. Pirate looks at Professor and takes whatever he has. No wonder the poor boy (Professor) is cross! He gets his toys taken away a lot.
Being a parent of anyone brings challenges, but I think being a parent of twins brings it's own special needs and challenges. I hope Juice and I are up for it. I think we're doing okay so far.
“Tell them to Have Faith in Me”
2 years ago